no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
