I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize