I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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