someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
