just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
