I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
