he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize