Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I need to sanitize my soul.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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