It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
