Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
