Taylor Swift is so right about you.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
