Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
