dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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