I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So apparently I’m into choking now
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