Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
