I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
