Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
