so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
