Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
