U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
