Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
