You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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