So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
