i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
