Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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