Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
