God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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