If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
