Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I believe in your delicious
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
