After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
