did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
