this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
