a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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