living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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