You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
