So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
