Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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