beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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