you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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