His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
