OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
