What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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