I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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