So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We had to coat check the pizza.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize