Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
