she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
