Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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