So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
