You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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