my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize