i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
