You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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