I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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