I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
