That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
