if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
