My hand turned me down
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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