So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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