Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
