She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize