My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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