So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
