She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize