hell yes lets make some ravioli
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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