i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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