What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
