i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
