Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
