Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
