in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
