Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
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