WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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