if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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