She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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