we're blogging at a bar
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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