Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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