I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize