Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
