Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
