i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
