Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize