if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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