Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
