Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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