the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So vagazzling was a success
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize