I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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