So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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