she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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