The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
