I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
