tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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